Vox Day’s socio-sexual heirarchy is a good model for understanding male-male and male-female interactions. Like any model, it’s not perfect and has boundary conditions, but that doesn’t undermine its usefulness. It’s very important to seek honest feedback on where you rank on the model. Ask your friends or wife. A realistic self-assessment is the basis of self-improvement.
It’s also important to evaluate the other men around you for several reasons. Surrounding yourself with gammas will make you a gamma. Associating with alphas is a both a two-edged sword and dangerous if the alpha is a bad man. Even if the alpha is a good man, bear in mind that much of what he wants you and others to do is in alignment with HIS mission in life, not necessarily yours. You must always be aware of this and wary of what an alpha is trying to get you to do.
Alpha: The alpha is the tall, good-looking guy who is the center of both male and female attention. The classic star of the football team who is dating the prettiest cheerleader. The successful business executive with the beautiful, stylish, blonde, size zero wife. All the women are attracted to him, while all the men want to be him, or at least be his friend. At a social gathering like a party, he’s usually the loud, charismatic guy telling self-flattering stories to a group of attractive women who are listening with interest. However, alphas are only interested in women to the extent that they exist for the alpha’s gratification, physical and psychological, they are actually more concerned with their overall group status.
Lifetime sexual partners = 4x average+.
Notice who is the center of the alpha’s universe: himself. The women around him are for him and his purposes; so are the men. Obviously, the Bible opposes this mindset. He who would be first shall be last and the last shall be first. The alpha’s other shortcoming is similar to the problem alphas face in nature: there can be only one man at the top. Other males are either subordinate to him or a threat. In nature, males that haven’t been defeated by the alpha are challengers. Alpha male sons of Adam suffer the same difficulties being alphas. Also, they’re daily getting older and weaker. No one stays on top forever and this is always in the back of their minds.
I experienced this recently at a dinner with a bunch of guys I went hunting with. I rode 30 hours in a car with an alpha 10 years my senior and his surgery partner who is more of a sigma. I tend to be a sigma. We all had a great time in the car. I thought I was this alpha’s friend. At the dinner party, he started negging me and trying to put me down. I could’ve gotten mad and lashed out angrily, but instinctively I knew he’d say something like, “I was just kidding, bro! Lighten up!” Then he’d laugh with the others around him. Instead, I just laughed it off and made some deflections. He eventually got tired of it. I didn’t think too much about it until my wife and I discussed the “friends” we had in our area and whether they were really our friends. My wife didn’t like this alpha guy and brought up the incident. She was pissed about it. I explained my response and she agreed it was the best way to handle it until I learn a better one (this is in progress). I showed her the socio-sexual heirarchy and she agreed the guy is an alpha and I’m a sigma which explains my threat to this guy: I’ve always been a skeptical outsider who does his own thing and therefore can’t be bent to an alpha’s purposes. If you want a problem solved, leave me alone and I’ll solve it, but don’t micromanage me to support your own ego. This, combined with my other traits that mimic those of an alpha, makes me a threat to one. This explains the chewing I got.
This behavior can also be found in the church, which is the last place it should be found. One way you see this is that ministers (often with the elders) will cook-up some program they want everyone to participate in. The program is socialized and moralized as “Kingdom Building” but is really “Reputation Buidling” among the ministers friends at presbytery and general assembly. The program will build the minister’s kingdom, not God’s. He, as the alpha, is just trying to use you for his purposes and manipulating you with Christianese. Jesus deals with this behavior directly in Matthew 20:
But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. 26 It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant,[c] 27 and whoever would be first among you must be your slave,[d] 28 even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Good alphas recognize that their mission must be in line with God’s mission and must look out for the people below them as they look out for themselves. These are the First and Greatest and Second. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Many ministers nowadays don’t even like people and, to the extent their mission is out of line with God’s, they don’t even love God. To the extent that they’re lording over their flock and binding the consciences of those in their congregation to their personal mission, they’re no better than worldling alphas.
Most alphas nowadays, whether in the church or without, are not looking out for anyone but themselves. When they ask you to do something, ask more questions. Ask why. Questions quickly expose motives. Be prepared for some angry, moralizing, shaming responses but stand your ground.
Your time is precious, be careful who you spend it in service to.