To understand the results of modern parenting, look no further than The Collapse of Parenting by Leonard Sax, MD. Sax is a pediatrician who has observed the results of Baby Boomers parenting the Millennial generation for 20 years. His observations are not a longitudinal study but are the best science we’re going to get nowadays. Martin Van Creveld echos many of Sax’s observations in Pussycats.
The data show that Millennials are poorer, marrying later if at all, and aimless, though some of us have established families and had children. This post is for Millennials trying to raise a family in an era where there’s no such thing as male and female.
The first step in having a family is getting married and having kids. Many Millennials are afraid to have kids because they’ve heard horror stories about months of sleepless nights. Mothers turn to online forums or doctors for advice. The forums are a black hole of hysterical liberal mothers who have no common sense and are obsessed with safety. If it were that hard to safely raise an infant, there wouldn’t be 7.5 billion people on earth. Disease killed most babies in the past, and we’ve mostly conquered disease. Doctors are another dearth of advice, because many don’t have children themselves and they pass along idiotic advice from “researchers.” The only book I can recommend for babies is The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp, MD. The gist of his argument is there is no colic in the third world. Parents from tradition-based societies know how to keep their babies asleep rather than waking every 90 minutes. If you use his 5 Ss, your baby will sleep too. I have mountains of experimental confirmation of this. So, step 1 is have kids and don’t worry about it.
Once you have kids, the most important thing for them is that the parents stay together. If you’re a Christian, chances are you’ve heard very little preaching on the roles of husband and wife and their duties towards one-another. How can you stay married if you don’t know what marriage is? Strengthening Your Marriage by Mack is a good place to get a biblical understanding of marriage. So is Rev. Shawn Mathis’ series Life in Post-Christian America. Men, I highly recommend CR Wiley’s Man of the House. Once you understand marriage and gender, I recommend John Gottman for the mechanics of making a marriage work. He’s not a Christian. So what? He has studied marriage for 25 years and can predict divorce with 98% accuracy based on attributes of a marriage. He has devised a formula for staying married.
The next step, if you’re Christian parents, is to take your kids to a good church every Sunday. Never skip church. Having established regular church attendance, men, lead your children in worship at home. Church and family worship can prevent a lot of harm caused by the world, the flesh and the devil.
Now, let’s get onto the mechanics of parenting. The only good parenting expert is John Rosemond. He is technically a psychologist, but he claims to be a historian of parenting methods from an era when parenting worked. He has interviewed numerous old people and asked them how they raised their children before the invasion of parenting advice from child psychologists. As your child grows, start with Making the Terrible Twos Terrific and Toilet Training without Tantrums. Then read The Well-Behaved Child and A Family of Value. Rosemond’s parenting methods do not use corporal punishment but rather the loading of consequences onto the child using the assumptions that the parent is trying to mold a child in whose heart foolishness is bound. Rosemond converted to Christianity after writing most of his books, but he still agrees with his past advice. We couldn’t figure out discipline until we read The Well-Behaved Child. Spanking didn’t work. Consequently, we don’t spank. For a good introduction to Rosemond, he has a couple of short videos on PragerU here and here.
Both Rosemond and Wiley have good advice on how to vector your children into the productive world. Rosemond recommends that older children develop hobbies besides sports. Hobbies are things you do with your Hands, like Ham radio, chemistry sets, bushcraft, etc. “Leisure” comes from the Greek word for “school,” according to Wiley. Hobbies can be leveraged into small businesses and expertise in some field, since you tend to get good at your hobbies. Wiley recommends that men develop small businesses or home businesses by taking work home and making it a hobby. The hobbies of your children and your hobbies can thus overlap into a productive home economy. I think this is what many third-world parents do. Thus, they see their children as profit centers versus cost centers. Wiley, for his part, recommends getting kids into productive work so they can be seen as profit centers and therefore desirable. Martin Van Creveld similarly laments that kids aren’t allowed to work nowadays, so they’re not given valuable experience that helps them in the adult world. Benjamin Franklin said that kids as young as 5 should be working.
I don’t have time to summarize all of these books in detail, but if you desire to swim against the tide of cultural parenting filth, these are the books you need to read on your own. I will say that it’s very difficult and isolating to go against the grain of modern parenting culture, especially if you’re white. Maybe live in a Mexican neighborhood since Latin Americans actually have kids and like to box. I’m not really kidding. There are no ares with “good schools” nowadays anyway. This will be the subject of another series of posts.